Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
