I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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