someone get that fucking seahorse.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
