Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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