I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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