I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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