He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
