Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
