i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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