a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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