I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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