She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
