I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
