Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
