So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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