I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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