WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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