did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
