May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
