wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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