one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
