I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
