You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
