Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
