my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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