Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
