Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
