Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize