Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
