I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
