you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
