my phone needs a breathalizer
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
