Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think my moral compass just broke
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
