i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so let's talk penis.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
