I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
