I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
