the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
