i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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