I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize