Barsexuality is the new black.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
