porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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