Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
