god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
