I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
