i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
