If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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