And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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