Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
