god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
