I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
