she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
