My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
