You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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