proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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