just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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