Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
