New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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