thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
