Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
