i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
