I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
