Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
