Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
