Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
