you traded sex for a burrito?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
