I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
