do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize