Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
