omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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