The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
