I smell stomach acid.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
