Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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