just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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