i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
